Still Gotta Come Through Chicago

Packer Week + LaVine's Trade Market

Happy Friday Chicago!

I hope all of your new years are off to a lovely start.

It’s now time to take on Russia’s two greatest war heroes, yet again, in Chicago: Generals Janvier and Février.

I started off the new year with a bang.

For the first time in a long time, I stayed in on New Year’s Eve.

I had some football on, cozied my cute little self up in some sweatpants and a nice fleece sweatshirt, and enjoyed the men’s version of no bra/no makeup: being bald in my apartment without a single person in the vicinity to notice.

Mixing a freshly showered, eroding head of hair with a cold Diet Coke and not one action item in sight is as close as this guy will ever get to seeing the northern lights on MDMA.

That’s the vibe I was riding into the new year, until I noticed a NYE party occurring on the other side of my building, which has window views directly into my apartment.

I did not have FOMO for a second. In fact, it appeared to me like it was a bunch of boyfriends dragged along to a get together that was not planned with them in mind. It wreaked of a party with a lot of talk over whether interest rates would come down by Q2.

I didn’t pay it any mind until the cozy kid got a little hungry closer to 10 p.m. As I was chowing down on a peanut butter sandwich, over my counter, happy as a clam, I turned toward the window to light a candle in an effort to further enhance the mood.

As I did, I noticed four of those party goers in formation, all facing my apartment and looking at me. Looking at me, alone, eating a peanut butter sandwich over my counter, an hour away from new year on the East Coast.

Only then did the charm of my night evaporate.

I can confirm they were looking at me, because when I looked at them, there was an immediate shuffling of the formation. I know what they were saying, too.

I’m sure the conversations began innocent enough: “someone is alone on NYE, huh?”

“In a studio apartment, too.”

“He’s just watching the football game, it looks like.”

“Oh, he’s getting up. Maybe some champagne?”

“Is he making a PB&J?”

“Oh no, he’s not even putting jelly on that thing.”

“This is getting sad, should we turn around?”

“Does he think there’s no one is in the vicinity to notice his Pangea-sized bald spot?”

I imagine that’s when my eyes met theirs.

Afterward, I defiantly refused to close my blinds. But, as I was shuffling through the channels, I thought I may throw on Friends post-football to guide me into a state of sleepiness prior to committing to bed. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it after that.

A guy alone on NYE, eating peanut butter sandwiches, watching Friends. That may have even forced their hand. Next thing I know, there’d be a knock on the door and I’m getting invited over to the party out of pity.

Alas, I ripped the blinds down and laid in bed thinking about who the next Iowa offensive coordinator would be before finally fading out of consciousness.

That’s how my New Year began. It was a good reality check to kick off 2024.

After all, what’s next is the real treat. The next two months — Generals January and February — are here to kick our asses once again.

You like shitty weather and little sunlight? What about your football teams being eliminated? The exact opposite of holiday cheer? Zero to look forward to?

Then boy do I have a proposal for you. The wintertime in Chicago after the year turns.

“I’m here for it,” though, as the kids say.

Let’s strip away the fleeting facade of holiday spirit. I hate everyone. I hate the city. I hate the weather.

It’s time to scale it back on the weekends, stop thinking about nice things I can do for family and friends, tell someone to piss off at work and almost get fired, and memorize as many college basketball players as possible so I can lift my head above water on the other side of February and act like I know what I’m talking about come March Madness.

Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. That’s why I voluntarily go through this every year, so I can create a better world for the rest of you from March to December.

I may try to go this weekend without saying a single word aloud.

All this means is more time and energy to create fake trades on behalf of the Bears and Bulls without being employed by either. More time to act like a saved soul working his way through an unfair life when I have running water, a loving family and a smart TV that lets me watch anything from Crazy, Stupid Love to NBA basketball on TNT Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I’ll hate every minute of it, and then I’ll tell every out of towner I see over the next year that it “makes summertime Chicago that much better.”

Follow me, we’re going to get through this. One newsletter at a time.

Let’s go.

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We’re going to need the Bears to hold onto Justin Fields. If nothing else, it will keep my 4th phase doorman from following me up the elevator to get a few extra pro-Fields takes in prior to me returning to my apartment.

As for keeping him because the Bears players want to keep him? They’ll get over that. No one is missing a game check because the Bears drafted Caleb Williams no. 1 overall and traded Fields. I promise you that.

I’m not going to spend much time on this topic, I’ve promised that much every week.

All I do want you to consider is this, though: If you showed a Bears fan in 2019 or 2020 the game film from Sunday’s game against the Falcons, stopped the tape, and then told them the Bears were in the thick of deciding whether to keep the QB or move on from him, do you think they’d try to fight you or just have an aneurism?

(I realize that exercise is in part irrelevant given the Bears unique situation.)

The Bears have basically become one of the best teams in the league. I don’t think that’s hyperbole. They don’t deserve to be in the playoffs. They lost the games they lost.

But I don’t think a single high-seed NFC team would want to see the Bears right now in the first round of the playoffs.

Forget the playoffs, I don’t think the Packers want to play us this weekend, with their season on the line in Week 18 — yet again.

Now, does this feel a little bit like what I wrote prior to Week 1, only for all of us to get destroyed one single Sunday later? It absolutely does.

The difference is that the Packers, like last year, have everything to lose. The Bears, on the other hand, have nothing to lose — just like the Lions last year.

The Bears put up 37 points and 432 yards against a top-10 defense on Sunday. They won by 20, which means we get to revisit my made up point differential game from last week again.

After the Falcons win, the Bears now have a +51 point differential since they won their first game in Week 5. If you applied that to the whole season — at +4.25 per game — that would put them at 7th in the league, just behind the Chiefs and just ahead of the Lions.

That’s disregarding the schedule, and, of course, the first four games — which did happen.

But it again feels right. The Bears may not be the 7th best team in the league right now, but are they a top-10 team? I certainly think so.

Since that first win, the defense has been of top-5 caliber, and the offense finally exploded this past week against a formidable opponent.

Taylor Heinicke is not exactly a hall of famer. But he was 10 for 29, for 163 yards, with three interceptions. In identical conditions, Fields was 20 for 32 (with a number of key drops), for 268 yards, a touchdown and no interceptions. He also ran for 45 yards, another touchdown, and made two of the most incredible escapes from a collapsed pocket I’ve ever seen (also not hyperbole).

The offseason questions belong in the offseason. For now, I don’t think I’ve ever been more locked in on a Bears game, in the final week of the season, when they didn’t have a chance of making the playoffs.

Before I was interrupted by the rude onlookers on NYE, I was cheering — yes, cheering — for the Packers to beat the Vikings. If the Bears are who we think they are right now, they need to go stomp on the Packers playoff dreams in Green Bay on Sunday, in primetime, with Jim Nantz and Tony Romo on the call.

The Bears opened up as three-point favorites in Week 1 at home against the Packers. They promptly lost by three scores. Now, they open as three-point underdogs, on the road, in Week 18.

If those fortunes reverse in one full NFL season’s time, I will forever be grateful. How sweet… how sweet would that be.

Let’s bring one home. BEAR DOWN!

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The Bulls last week has been disappointing, though not surprising. It wasn’t going to be an unmitigated uphill climb for this team.

I’m disappointed that the Bulls lost to Sixers, but that gives them a 2-1 record against one of the league’s best teams in a 2-week stretch. I’m disappointed that they lost the next night to the Knicks, but that’s a road loss on the second night of a back-to-back to another solid team.

The key here is to not lose to the Hornets on Friday. That’s a “must win” game, if there is such thing for a 15-21 team in early January.

Notice a dreary overhand of clouds the last few weeks? That’s Zach LaVine on his way to returning to the lineup. No one wants it — to him, not his teammates, not the fans — but he will return if there is no trade market for him. It’s the Bulls only option to maintain some semblance of leverage.

Of course, that’s why — again — the Bulls should have traded him last year. That’s when they had actual leverage.

Now, there is “no market” for him, according to Woj. That doesn’t surprise me. In fact, it confirms what I already thought. Who would want a guy making $40 million that’s not good, but also thinks he’s the leading man?

Hopefully someone becomes desperate or deranged enough to change that tune, but I wouldn’t count on it.

Having said that, I still think there’s a non-zero chance that there’s a close-to-agreed-to deal that the Bulls and their trade partner are hiding from the league.

Woj continued, on NBA Countdown this week, saying the Bulls may just be glad to have someone take on LaVine’s contract at this point. And so would I!

LaVine is going to get his way, likely, but in the most humbling kind of way.

I am so fine with dumping LaVine’s contract on someone and getting next to nothing in return but expiring money. So be it.

My concern is that the front office still views LaVine in high regard, like they did last offseason when they wouldn’t trade him for packages that now would look like a King’s ransom.

There’s been reports that the Bulls are okay with reintroducing LaVine to the lineup. That could be another point of leverage, showing teams they’re not desperate enough to trade him for the price of soda in the Bulls locker room over the next four years.

But I could also see it happening, and that would be the worst thing that could happen to the Bulls, both on and off the floor. We have evidence now that he makes the team worse — that’s one part of the bad news.

The other part of the bad news is that, while you may believe that LaVine’s trade value couldn’t go any lower, it absolutely can. If he returns, continues to struggle, and brings the Bulls down with him, it will be next to impossible to find a trade partner. I don’t even want to think about him getting actually injured after returning.

Continue to rehab his “foot injury” and jump at the next best trade package. I implore you, front office. You’ve already messed this entire saga up. The whole thing has been a mistake. Don’t turn it into a catastrophe.

As for on-court matters, it bothers me that people think Coby White has regressed to the mean over the last week. He’s shooting poorly, but still getting to the basket — and finishing — at will.

After every make, he’s grabbing his hurt right wrist on the way back down the floor. I emphasize make there because it’s not as if he’s doing the “I threw the ball over the cutoff man’s head, so I’m going to grab my arm” move.

Pat Williams and Coby White will continue to be bright spots this year, so long as they’re given the opportunity to shine sans LaVine’s influence.

Williams has shown a level of aggression and confidence shooting and driving that he never had in his career up until this point. He still misses one out of every two dunks somehow, but that’s a story for another day.

The road to .500 in January may be tough. But the road to .500 in February is still on. The Bulls have the easiest schedule in the league the rest of the way. My only wish is for them to play postseason basketball in the year they got rid of LaVine.

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Happy New Year, again! And thanks for coming back to read another newsletter. Please do share it with friends, family, and co-workers if you enjoy it. I appreciate it.