Still Gotta Come Through Chicago

We're BEARING Down

Happy Friday Chicago!

Thanks for coming back and reading another newsletter.

The Blackhawks won the NHL Draft Lottery this week. Someone texted me “Bedard” — the top prospect they’re going to pick now that they’re slotted no. 1 — and I didn’t know what they meant. Therefore, I won’t dive too much into details. I think that’s a fair judgement call on my part.

But he’s 17 years old! I guess every major prospect these days in football, basketball or baseball is generally that age, but man did that throw me off when I read it. Just wait 10 years, kid. You’ll play basketball two days in a row and be googling “signs of muscular dystrophy” after the second.

I guess it’s time for yours truly to hop back into the puck. Fine by me.

The word Blackhawks, for me, has generally been a synonym for “getting drunk with my friends.” But I guess re-learning what offsides means can’t hurt. The city buzzes when the Blackhawks are good, and I like when the city buzzes.

When the city buzzes, it makes me feel joy while I’m walking back to my apartment. That’s for sure. It’s fleeting, however, as then I stay in and get unreasonably mad at another basketball game LeBron James is playing in. Jordan Poole is the most useless rich person in the U.S. currently, and that’s a tough title to take these days given all of the rich kids who claim they’re “entrepreneurs” in their Instagram bios.

Nevertheless, I’m happy for the die-hards. I still think the organization has been a total shit show for some time now — even discounting the sexual assault case — but that’s what happens when you run American sports teams. You get rewarded for being bad at your job.

The NFL Draft also came and went, and yes, I watched pretty much all of it. It is a completely made up event for television that does not to be watched live, and nevertheless, I do not give a fuck.

In between endlessly scrolling through the internet to check in on strangers arguing about Dillon Brooks and transgenderism, I was happy to watch the Bears picks roll in and say out loud “yessir” afterward.

Frankly, I enjoy the NFL Draft. I’m not going to paint my face, skip out on my child support and ship off to Kansas City any time soon for it, but I’m happy to watch it live on TV. I consume plenty of completely contrived things, including the “Oreotastic” cheesecake slice I had while watching it, and the “flavor-blast goldfish” I had after that when I convinced myself I was hungry again.

I’m fine convincing myself I’m hungry for some NFL in April, too. It doesn’t take much convincing. I’m aware the NFL has tricked me into consuming its product year-round, and I do not have a problem with it. McDonalds gets me on a Saturday night twice per month, too, and your “it’s not real food” taunts won’t deter me. Check the stock ticker, buddy. NYSE: MCD is where it is for a reason.

The NFL does the draft well, too, as long as you’re not watching the feed that brings up every 21-year-old kid’s crackhead mom or dead dad right after the best moment of their lives. It generally marries football (college) with football (NFL), and that’s a formula that works on me.

It, most importantly, sells hope. Based on my internal clock, it took me about 3 minutes and 30 seconds, on average, to talk myself into the pick the Bears just made. The Bears could have drafted my buddy who was hospitalized for a bad back last year and I would have found the upside — he does go to the gym on a regular basis, could be a first in, last out guy.

They did need another corner, and a physical one with long arms especially. Every team got seven guys or so that they liked. We got the best seven guys, though. Just look at the draft grades! Those are worth reading, for sure.

We have to go over the yearly NFL draft rules again.

— Guy I knew from college football — wow, that is an unbelievable pick

— Guy I didn’t know from college football — he does fit a need, and those highlights look good, okay, I’m in.

— Guy with a checkered past — Did we draft him? If so, he’s just a kid. Did we not draft him? Our front office guys knew better. That’s not the type of culture we want to build.

A further add-on to this is that I realized my bias is behind guys like Stetson Bennett who were arrested for just being drunk in public. It’s about the only thing I can conceive myself getting arrested for, and thus, I am empathetic. And maybe that’s slightly and inherently racist. On the other hand, I won’t be driving cars 130 mph drunk. That’s at least, in part, because I do not have a car.

But my Uber driver can go as fast as he wants, so long as he arrives at my door before the McDonalds I DoorDashed gets placed outside of my apartment building. And so long as he excuses drifting out of consciousness and head bobbing on longer rides.

Look, the NFL Draft is what it is. It’s fun to watch, fun to discuss, and is a rare case where the two people arguing about it have no way of knowing who will ultimately be right about their take for at least three years. But we argue anyway. And that’s the good stuff that comes with being a sports fan.

Having said all of that, the Bears smashed the draft. After all, if we can’t enjoy this, what can we enjoy? The actual games? I’ll believe it when I see it.

And having said that, I cannot wait for a 3-2 start to next season that has the streets jumping like it’s the first warm day in April again.

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Ah, I wrote that intro a couple of weeks ago and never published the final copy. Therefore, I must immediately make an amendment.

Talk about the NFL owning the calendar — they now have released each team’s schedule. Woahhh!

After an initial glance at this bad boy, that 3-2 mark is a bit too low for the first five games.

WIN, WIN, LOSS, WIN, WIN. That’s a 4-1 start #BEARSNATION.

For those of you who are OG readers, you may remember when I interviewed Andy Benoit for the newsletter. He used to work for Sports Illustrated as a football writer and now works in the Rams front office.

One thing he told me that stuck with me was about the schedule. Sure, to some extent, it matters who you get to play. But you can’t measure that until after the season, for the most part. He said he never takes into account a team’s schedule when he’s thinking about how many wins or losses they may have.

It made sense. The NFL is king, in part, because of its regular season parity. I think the Commanders will stink this year, for instance, but they could be frisky. I think the Vikings will be decent in my head, but they could completely regress to the mean and be mediocre at best next year.

Did I run through that entire schedule in my head and find a W-L record? Of course I did (10-7). But that doesn’t mean much — unless I get it right. In that case, just wait for that January newsletter, folks. Victory laps will be had.

The Bears will be like the Cubs next year. They’re still missing plenty of pieces and they will have frustrating-as-all-hell losses, but they’re going to be competitive. And that minuscule taste of winning will be enough to make us lose our collective minds. I cannot wait.

But, with that, let’s get into the Bears draft. Joking aside, I do have some takeaways from it overall.

1. I think the Bears special teams are going to be really, really good over the next few years. We’ll get to them later, but guys like Roschon Johnson and Noah Sewell who won’t be gobbling up starting snaps at first are likely going to be great third-phase players. The Bears sneaky already had a very solid special teams unit last year. Richard Hightower, the ST coach, is returning. And I think he’s going to have a ton of talent to work with — and, as important, a lot of guys who are going to be desperately trying to make NFL careers out of their performances on punts and kicks.

2. The Bears needed almost everything in this draft, minus a quarterback, which is both a new and seriously advantageous position to be in. But they didn’t fill all of those holes in the draft and in free agency. And that’s okay. This takeaway is actually a good one, in my eyes. I think you or I would try to draft a bunch of edge rushers, because we’re dumb and wouldn’t follow a process. Poles followed a process, and later acknowledged the Bears weren’t going to reach for a player just to fill holes in a roster that will likely be under serious construction for at least one more year.

3. I think that the Panthers are going to be truly awful this year, and that’s a good reminder when you’re considering whether to give the Darnell Wright pick a stamp of approval or not. I think Bryce Young will certainly help them more than, say, Anthony Richardson or Will Levis would have in Year 1, but nevertheless, that team should be terrible. The only thing that will stop them from landing in the bottom-5 next year is the terrible division they’re in. Still, the Bears haul for the no. 1 overall pick needs to be heavily factored into this year’s draft performance. And we know what a rookie QB looks like throwing to nobodies (D.J. Moore is on our team). Good luck with 32-year-old Adam Thielen, Bryce! With that pick, the Bears now have the luxury of knowing they can fill another gaping hole after this year, no matter what. Even if it’s at the quarterback position (but that’s something we won’t talk about now, and hopefully ever again).

First round:

Darnell Wright, OT, Tennessee

Thoughts: I think Wright is going to be the best offensive lineman out of this year’s draft. The SEC fucking sucks in my brain 362 days out of the year outside of draft nights. We got an SEC guy? Yes sir. But really, he’s competition-tested. He has the measurables, but he’s not a pie-in-the-sky, “high ceiling” only guy. I love the pick.

Of course, I was giddy for Jalen Carter as the picks went by. But just remind yourself that he not only got bad reviews from Georgia coaches. He not only was drag racing (likely drunk) when his teammate died (and likely fled the scene). He also showed up fat to his Pro Day — pretty much the only thing you can’t do — and didn’t finish his workout.

See above: Guy with a checkered past — Did we draft him? If so, he’s just a kid. Did we not draft him? Our front office guys knew better. That’s not the type of culture we want to build.

Second round:

Gervon Dexter, DL, Florida

Thoughts: Dexter was the 12th overall rated prospect coming out of high school. By all accounts, he’s a freak. His film doesn’t blow you away. With this pick and a few others, I think the Bears are really putting a ton of faith in their defensive coaching staff. I’m fine with that — at least for now.

Tyrique Stevenson, CB, Miami

Thoughts: Stevenson was the physical, lengthy corner I referred to earlier. The Bears needed another one and Stevenson is also very talented. He transferred from Georgia (where he played) to Miami to be closer to home in college. He’s a (apparently has some character issues) guy. But hey, he’s just a kid. I don’t trust Jaylon Johnson’s shoulders anyway, and Kyler Gordon was a mixed bag last year. Either way, they needed another one.

Third round:

Zacch Pickens, DT, South Carolina

Thoughts: Pickens is of the Dexter ilk. I’m less high on him than I am with Dexter, however. This goes back to my feeling that the Bears really trust their defensive coaching.

Fourth round:

Roschon Johnson, RB, Texas

Thoughts: The Bears two fourth-round picks have gotten more love than I’ve seen in the late rounds since they drafted NIU’s own Garrett Wolfe in 2007. Johnson was outshined by Bijan Robinson — the eighth overall pick — at Texas, but is a stud. He’ll make an immediate impact on special teams, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was RB 1a or 1b by 2024.

Tyler Scott, WR, Cincinnati

Thoughts: Scott averaged over 16 yards per reception at Cincy. I still like Velus Jones Jr., but Scott is undoubtedly next up if he keeps up with the gaffes. He ran a 4.44 40-yard dash.

Fifth round:

Noah Sewell, LB, Oregon

Thoughts: Love it. A Pac-12 After Dark King! Won’t play unless there’s an injury at linebacker, but was a great player in college and will be there for that special teams unit right off the bat. He’s also got good genes — he’s Penei Sewell’s younger brother.

Terell Smith, CB, Minnesota

Thoughts: The Bears needed corners.

Seventh round:

Travis Bell, DT, Kennesaw State

Thoughts: Stop it.

Kendall Williamson, S, Stanford

Thoughts: Come on.

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The draft is viewed with the same attention as some NFL games, but the victor(s) is not decided until years down the line. And by that time, most people have forgotten about it. They don’t do draft “grades” four years later.

With that said, it’s of massive importance — especially for teams like the Bears who are in rebuilding mode.

If you’re a Bears fan, you’re in the 4th Phase. But you’re also perpetually in “tempered expectations” mode. That’s about as high as it gets for us, though. And that’s where I’m at right now.

Tier 1: Tempered Expectations

Tier 2: No Expectations

Tier 3: Misery, life is merely a distraction prior to death.

I’m happy to be in Tier 1, ladies and gentlemen! Join me.

And join me for next week’s newsletter, when we’re back to our regularly scheduled (if there is such a thing) publishing schedule. Can’t wait to talk WHITE SOX BASEBALL!

Thanks, sincerely, for reading. See you soon.

(Michael Reaves/Getty Images)