Good morning and happy friday Chicagoans…
If you’re reading this, thank you. I know it’s been a long time. Far too long. I’m not even going to ask you to tell someone to subscribe today.
Next week’s slate is already planned: Bulls (Buyers Or Sellers?) and a White Sox offseason recap. Today, we get into everything else. Stick around.
It feels great to be back and writing to you all during the worst period of the year. There’s two more weeks of football and then we enter the worst period of the year and the worst part of the sports calendar simultaneously. To keep me sane after watching the Bulls, this will be my outlet… once again.
Did you hear they’re coming after me? That’s why I was once again motivated to get up here, clear out, put the pointer fingers on F and G and get to work.
This new ChatGPT stuff is all anyone is talking about, huh? You guys can’t shut up about it. First they came for the paper boys and I said nothing. Then they came for the cashiers at McDonalds and I, again, said nothing. Now they’re coming for me and everyone is making a robot spit out articles that they can read and have a good, hardy laugh over.
If you’re unfamiliar, ChatGPT is an artificial intelligence platform that essentially creates content, including written articles, as well as humans do. And that’s selling it short. Half of my friends can hardly string two grammatically correct sentences together. Then, if I use a word as complex as, well, artificial, they call me a a pussy writer, in much more harsh terms than that sometimes.
ChatGPT can certainly write better than them right now. Soon enough, will they take over my prowess? Probably.
I was worried about that at first, but I’ve since gotten over that concern. I’ll detail why before we get into the nuts and bolts of today’s newsletter, which is my full thoughts on the current state of the Bears and Cubs.
I knew of ChatGPT but hadn’t delved much into it. After all, researching extensively the tool that has a chance to make your job obsolete isn’t exactly the best way to spend your night after a 10-hour workday.
But then, after enjoying some time away in the sun with my buddies in California, I received a text from my father in the family group chat.
“Have you heard of this ChatGPT?” he said.
“I have, why?”
“I wanted to know your thoughts on it.”
“I don’t have many hardened opinions on it yet.”
“That surprises me. It literally seems like it is the death of writing skills.”
I had just landed in O’Hare and was waiting for one of my moron friends to get his checked bag. I had gone from 67 degrees and sunny to 30 degrees and sleeting. It was Sunday night. That text came next.
And there’s more.
“Haha good to know, thanks,” I responded.
His response to that?
“I hate the Cowboys but I really want to see that kid make a field goal.”
Well, Dad, it’s great to hear you’re rooting for someone’s child at least.
Plopped on top of my routine Sunday night anxiety was the idea that one of the only things I can do moderately well in this world may no longer be useful at all.
That carried over to Monday as I pondered this new technology. Adapt or die?
Maybe, and I’ve got a few other tricks up my sleeve.
First of all, for my day job. If The Man decides that I am no longer needed to write from 9-5, I’ll simply apply for a construction job. These guys outside my window don’t do shit all day except for tell people to get the fuck off the sidewalk. That sounds like an unbelievable job.
I’ll just head down there and start wearing a neon green cutoff, let the guns dangle by my side, ingest nicotine and caffeine sunrise to sunset, and eat hot dogs and fries for lunch every day. That sounds fucking awesome. I may even get the joker tattoo’d on my arm and any and all of my future intimate partners’ names.
For this newsletter, though — bring it the fuck on, ChatGPT. If that robot wants to ingest what I do on a weekly basis and then spit out an article to take me over, it can be my guest. That’ll be the first robot on record to commit suicide.
You think those things are built for Bulls games where Mason Plumlee is hitting in-rhythm, left-handed jumpers to put the 14-36 Hornets over the 22-26 Bulls? Do you think it has the wherewithal to tweet LETS GO BULLS every single night before Bulls games, receive zero likes, and then stop doing that completely after a soul-crushing loss against the Cavs on Jan. 2 as punishment to the team? No, it would have kept tweeting with no respect for the moment.
The other day I was on a busier-than-usual ‘L’ ride home when a guy in front of me was taking up two seats — one for himself and one for his bag. People were literally not getting on the train because it was so packed and this man was letting his bag just take up a seat. None of the pussies standing up were going to say anything, so I was. But then I noticed he had a Jiu Jitsu shirt on, and more importantly, a tag on his sweatshirt that said “team member.” I became one of the pussies quickly.
My point being? There’s a time and a place for everything. I didn’t need to get put in a chokehold on a wintry Tuesday night at 5:45 pm because some dude was being a dick. If the guy standing up wasn’t going to say anything that day, nor was I. There’s a time and a place for everything.
You can use ChatGPT to write those cooking blogs and those BuzzFeed articles about who is dating who. But that robot ain’t taking over this. You think it could put out the steady content I do? Two blogs in two months? No way! I got the programmers shaking in their boots. I move in silence like lasaGna, as the poetry teacher who makes 300k at my high school used to say to in every class of the day.
I’m going to be the last writer on earth pushing my shit, so long as people are willing to read — eh, I’ll stop there. Even if people aren’t reading I’ll write this. It’s half for you, half for me anyways. Always has been.
When everyone is in bed, I’m beating that keyboard up like it’s my job, even though it’s quite literally not. You can’t take my extra source of income if I ain’t got one in the first place.
Now let’s show them who we are.
Based on how long I’ve been away, it’s going to be hard to recap everything that’s gone on.
The Texans beating the Colts was, unfortunately, one of my best days as a Bears fan since the 2018 season. I jumped for joy like a child. Hold this thought.
The 2022 Cubs offseason was neither great or terrible. That’s because some days I’m convinced it was bad, and other days I’m convinced it was good. I am just dying for competitive baseball in the summer on the North Side of Chicago. Hold this thought.
The Sox offseason was good if you think Andrew Benintendi is the second coming of Jesus Christ. It’s bad if you care about domestic abuse, a crime in which the Sox second marquee pick-up — Mike Clevinger — is accused of. Reading that story was disturbing, and I know it’s just alledged. But it seems like both the MLB and the Sox have begun to treat it as fact. He won’t see a Sox uniform. The only gripe I have with The Athletic article is that they didn’t include in the headline that he is accused of throwing used, long-cut chewing tobacco on his 10-month old child. That should’ve made it above the fold. Hold this thought for a bit longer.
The funny thing about Bulls games is I watch every single one, mostly because I don’t think you should write about a team if you don’t do that. But then today, as I was gearing up to write this, I realized I hadn’t written shit about them in a month and a half. The anguish I could have saved myself. Hold this thought, too, for a bit longer.
Let’s start with the good news.
The Chicago Bears hold onto the no. 1 pick in the NFL Draft while simultaneously holding their franchise QB. That is a rare position, so rare that it happened just last season when the Jacksonville Jaguars picked no. 1 for the second year in a row.
But the Bears really are in a great position. For that, I have to give Ryan Poles immense credit. In his year-end press conference, he came across as in-control and competent. Who cares? Bears fans do. Being that in Halas Hall makes you an outlier.
He left the door open to drafting a quarterback, but he really didn’t. He said they love Justin but they would evaluate all options. This is similar to when a guy going into his contract year acts like he’ll never play for the team that can offer him the most money again. People freaking out about that must be people that didn’t watch the presser, that don’t understand leverage, or both. The “both” probably accounts for 95% of Bears fans.
The Bears have the crown jewel asset, and they also have more money — about $115 million — than they’ll know what to do with. That’s just an expression. They have so many holes to fill that this offseason likely won’t even result in the filling of all of those.
This was a bad, bad team. But they competed and stayed in games that they probably shouldn’t have. That lends me to believing another person is in-control and competent, and that’s Matt Eberflus. Hey, they also led the league in opening-drive scoring somehow.
The GM is in a position that every GM would dream of. Near-unlimited money to spend on players of his choosing and the best asset of the offseason, for all intents and purposes. How he deals with that will ultimately define his legacy. But the leg up he has, again, is that he inherited a franchise QB that the last administration fell ass backwards — or forwards — into.
The question is what the Bears should do. After all, Poles will be making the decisions, but we are all entitled to our own opinions.
I have had three concerns with the dialogue that has surfaced from the god-given and unfortunate right that is all of us having opinions and the ability to voice them.
The first is the following.
After the Bears got the no. 1 pick, every fan suddenly decided that Poles would actually be playing fantasy GM, and that the Bears could trade here, and then there, and then there to end up with a bevy of high draft picks in this year’s and next year’s draft. But that isn’t a reality that is going to come to fruition.
The Bears will trade the no. 1 pick. That is a certainty. For those who doubt that, we’ll get to that subject matter in a bit.
In the top-10 of this year’s draft, these are at least 5 teams that need a quarterback.
— Texans (2)
— Colts (4)
— Raiders (7)
— Falcons (8)
— Panthers (9)
An argument can be made that even more need one, if you count the Seahawks and Lions. But in all likelihood, they will be moving ahead with Geno Smith and Jared Goff, respectively. Then, there’s also the Titans at 11.
After that, there are plenty of teams that may want a quarterback, but the haul the Bears would need for a trade that far back probably wouldn’t work for the buying side. Plus, and here comes the second concern, at that point the Bears aren’t actually utilizing their position to get a stud in this draft, which they desperately need.
I am all for building up capital. The Bears should trade back, and they will. But the point of having a high-draft pick — especially when you already have a good quarterback — is securing a franchise-altering player. Generally more picks = more hits, but that is not exactly the calculus that high up in the draft. Quarterbacks may still hit at a coin-flip rate or lower in the top-5. But, for non-quarterback players, the top-5 picks are a treasure trove. It is unlikely that, barring injury, a non-quarterback pick in the first few slots of the draft turns out to be a bust. They’re more likely to be an All-Pro at some point in their careers.
The Bears need an All-Pro. A few of them, to be certain. But that’s the advantage of having the money and the pick.
If you trade back to Indy at 4, you have the opportunity to get the best of both worlds: a significant return on your position and also a really good player. Particularly in Matt Eberflus’ defense, nabbing Jalen Carter out of Georgia there would be the best-case scenario, at least in mind. I’d love to have Will Anderson (DE-Alabama), too, as he’s equally as good. He also plays a more important position league-wide, but that may not be true on a micro level in the Bears scheme.
The Bears need their next Akiem Hicks, and he’s there for the taking. The chances of him being there are likely, but the chances of him or Anderson being there are very likely. The Cardinals (3) are not in need of a quarterback, or, at least, they won’t be taking one.
The Colts would need to give up at least another no. 1 pick next year (along with this year’s) and two seconds at some point. That price goes up if the Texans are also in play for the first pick, and that’s all dependent on who each likes best at the QB position.
There have been murmurs that the Colts like Will Levis, which is both sad for them and troublesome for us. At that point, the Texans may be fine with standing pat and taking Bryce Young.
If the Bears were to trade back to another team with a QB-thirsty owner and coach such as the Panthers, the return would be immense. It would also mean a worse pick for the Bears, of course. But it all depends on the deal … thanks for reading.
With the Panthers, they have both a new owner hungry for success and a coach in Frank Reich who has been in absolute QB hell in Indy for the last half decade. That gets people acting up, and we love that.
I’d rather the first scenario, but am willing to play ball in the case that the Panthers want to get on their knees and beg.
Having said that, a trade past that seventh pick seems like nonsense. And a stud player is also unlikely to come from such a deal. You can’t just pick the best wide receiver from each of these teams and say, ‘What if we get him?’ That sounds nice, but is also generally not the NFL way of doing business.
My final concern during this chatter-ridden period is the potential collapse of the city of Chicago. It’s one thing for national media — who clearly did not watch the Bears this year — to suggest trading Fields and taking a quarterback. It’s another for you, a Bears fan, to do so.
If you’re pointing to Fields’ stats this year, you’ve already told on yourself. He was mostly outstanding in his second year on the worst team in the league with by far the worse skilled players… and I’m doing it again. I’m not going to do it again.
If you’ve been a Bears fan your whole life, and you watched the Bears play this season, and you want to trade him, you deserve no voting rights, not shelter, and no right to the pursuit of happiness. I should fucking slap you, too.
In the case that we do have pro-Fields trade readers, explain yourself in the comments. Other thoughts on what the Bears should do? Hop in there yourself.
After a long offseason of deliberating in my own mind, I’ve decided that I am happy with the Cubs offseason.
I liked the Cody Bellinger deal immediately. You gave a former-MVP, 27-year-old on a one-year prove-it deal. Even if the experiment fails miserably, you’ll have a plus defender in center field for the vast majority of games. Even if the best-case scenario comes about and results in him getting a larger deal elsewhere next year, the hope is that Brennan Davis is then ready for the major-league level and can play every day in center field.
Immediately, with that add, you get a pretty good defensive outfield in Happ/Bellinger/Suzuki. The hitting output of that outfield will depend on how Bellinger rebounds. (I tend to think he’ll be better, but not great).
Seiya Suzuki may be the Cub I am most excited to watch this season, minus any of the players that are coming up from the minors. He already hit 16% above league average last year with a 2.0 WAR, which is fantastic considering his injury and adjustment issues mid-season. I think he’ll be a major surprise this year to some people, and I’m buying his stock.
The biggest surprise — well, surprise may not be the right word, maybe bright spot — of last year was Nico Hoerner. Now he’s being moved to second base because of the Dansby Swanson deal. That is immediately one of — if not the — best middle infields in all of baseball.
Swanson may end up being the best deal out of all the shortstops that signed this offseason. He’s by far the worst hitter out of that bunch, but he’s also insanely durable and signed a deal far smaller than I expected he would get — 7 years, $177 million. He was a near-6 WAR player last year. Nico Hoerner was a 4.5 WAR at shortstop last year. What a joy this will be to watch.
The dicy spots were always going to be on the corners, but Wisdom is serviceable and Christopher Morel — though probably due for a regression — can plug and play almost anywhere. The potential of Matt Mervis, the Cubs hard-hitting prospect, will shore up first base, as will that moron Eric Hosmer, who is totally fine and only making $700k. He’s also better than Frank Schwindel.
Then, there’s catcher. The Cubs will have decent defensive catching, but there will be next to no hitting. That will be the starkest downgrade with Willson out the door. If I have any qualms about this offseason, it’s two things: misses on the catcher spot in free agency and the lack of big-time hitting being brought in. The Cubs are seriously lacking power.
At the same time, I didn’t used to think defense mattered that much. Then I watched the 2016 Cubs and Eloy Jimenez play outfield and my whole worldview changed.
The Cubs pitching staff, I think, should be pretty solid this year. They were solid at times last year and now add Jameson Taillon. But shoring up the defense also means you need less power pitchers to get outs. I like that philosophy, for the most part. I certainly wouldn’t mind a lights-out power pitcher, but for all we know, one of the youngins could turn into that this year.
The deal for Trey Mancini, who can also play first base and left field, was what got me over the edge on this Cubs offseason. He had a great year in 2019 prior to his cancer diagnosis, and then played just okay last year after a solid 2021. He’s a perfect fit for this Cubs team.
At the very least, the Cubs won’t be sellers this year at the deadline. Best-case scenario, which I’m starting to believe in, is that they are in the thick of things in September with an added bat from the deadline sweepstakes.
Thanks so much for reading. I really do appreciate it. See you next week — that’s a guarantee.
Sitting in the Houston airport but needing to defend myself yet again. The author’s talents are endless. I have no co cern of Chat ending you.
If we draft a QB and trade Fields. I’m out. As Wannstedt says, “the biggest concern you have for a college QB is his ability to adapt and his physical and mental toughness. Fields has proved he has those skills.”
There will be a bidding war. Maximize talent.
Kings back!
Not going to touch on the Bulls. Don't have the energy.
Agreed on the importance of getting a stud in the draft. Too many hypotheticals floated around to build more draft capital, but at the end of the day we need pro bowlers on the field.