Still Gotta Come Through Chicago
Play-In SECURED
Good morning Chicagoans! Happy Friday. We’re back.
While I was away, I looked into buying my first Lollapalooza ticket in nearly a decade. I felt like a dork doing it, too. What a creepy thing to do — buy a concert ticket where you can see 100 cool artists only a couple miles away.
Chicago is the only place in the world where going to a world-renowned musical festival that takes place smack dab in the middle of the city is stigmatized past the age of, like, 23.
People go there and embarrass themselves in their younger years and then are dumb and narcissistic enough to think that everyone that goes there later in life (to, like, see musical performances) must be sweating profusely on molly, with bad breath, and a Russel Westbrook jersey on like they were when they went.
If I do go this year, though, I do need to update my Lolla handbook. What is acceptable these days and what’s not? How do I avoid getting made fun of?
The last time I was there I had was donned with a throwback Reggie Miller jersey, shiny Chuck Taylors, khaki shorts (I think), hair down to my shoulders pulled up in a bun, and I was for sure telling a cop that I was going to report him because he kicked my friend out of the concert (my friend couldn’t speak). I was also, if I recall, fresh off anywhere from 8-10 games of beer pong in which we were actually drinking beer out of the cups.
A lot has changed since then, besides that friend not being able to speak. Well, he can speak, just not after he guzzles 15 gin and tonics in a row. We’ve never been able to figure out the correlation.
I’m going to assume that the above is still the acceptable behavior/ clothing at Lolla unless someone tells me otherwise. The hair is the only thing I may have trouble recreating. Money can buy everything else, and I do still have that Reggie Miller jersey for some reason.
I don’t think that I’ll have to sneak in a warm water bottle full of vodka between my balls and briefs this time. I will, however, miss panicking a bit in the beer line. That made ‘em taste better. You mean I can just have this Bud Light tall boy without reciting my fake zip code and address? And calm down, Kid Rock. I may have a Stella Artois or something, anyway, to make sure people know I’m there for the music — NOT the tomfoolery.
Lolla is in the cards. But I’m just trying to plan out my Chicago summer like an adult. I even bought one of those big dumb calendars for myself so I would stop saying yes to everything. Historically, in anticipation for the the best season, I generally find a way to make that season ultimately miserable by RSVPing yes to 45 things before it starts.
My brain — right now — knows I want to go to 14 Cubs games, 6 concerts and five golf trips over a 12-week span (I can’t play golf). Sounds awesome.
But my brain also knows — simultaneously — that I definitely will not want to do that when the time comes. Sounds terrible.
Alas, until then, I sit criss-cross-apple-sauce in my room with my big calendar (that has scenic nature photos on each month’s page) and sharpie out planning my little, wittle summer. Soft music plays on my mini Bose in the background. You’ll never know what’s playing on it, cause I’ll never tell ya!
As April goes on by, can I plan the perfect summer? It’s just me and this calendar, trying to do the impossible.
I’m already signed up for Saturday morning golf lessons. If my younger self heard that about my current self he probably would have called him a word we don’t say anymore. He’d be about as shocked about that as my commitment to wearing a black t-shirt, pants and a normal baseball hat to Lollapalooza in August.
Those two planning consciences on my left and right shoulders are like the older brother and younger brother on a night on the town. It’s the first time the younger brother has come out, he needs to be told not to shot-gun beers in a bar. He’s got some sort of cherry shots on the way to the table. Stop that, young man. He doesn’t have a care for his near- or long-term health. The other brother does.
That ying and yang is delicate, and I’m fighting the battle. My knees are getting a little sore from sitting this way on the ground, though. I better get up, stop being a bitch, and start writing about some manly shit — like sports!
What we got going on Chicago? A lot. Let’s get to it.
Yes, we’re starting with the Bulls. I promise it will be quick. The point is to get it over with, just like their season, which will be over within the week.
A post mortem for the team that has made my weekday nights a living hell over the last five months will be due soon. But not today.
The Bulls are 12-9 since the All-Star break, but are 0-2 over their last two. Here’s why that is important:
— If the Bulls would have won their last two games (against a Trae Young-less Hawks and a Giannis-less Bucks), they would be 14-7 since the break. You can do the math.
— If they were 14-7 since the break, and then maybe 16-7 since the break or something close to that when the season ended, the front office would have had their way with us. “Oh, this team really showed promise after the break yada yada.” They’ve had a decent run for a very average team that can’t shoot. It’s better to not keep delaying reality.
The Hawks and Bucks, without their best players, showed us exactly who we knew the Bulls were. A team that — again — can’t shoot and a team that cannot muster up the energy or focus to dial in a win during the biggest moments of the season.
And with that, they’ve got the 10th seed, which means they are in the play-in tournament. Drop the confetti from the rafters.
… LFG?
That means, for those that don’t know, they’ll have to win two games… just to get the 8 seed… and just to get the Bucks… with Giannis. In the first round. By the way, if they do win those two games by some miracle, it’ll have to be on the road.
Here is the Bulls three-point shooting over their last five losses: 33%; 22%; 27%; 39% (against the Clippers, who made every three they took); and 24%.
All the while, they shoot by far the least amount of three-pointers in the league this season — 28. That’s two less than the team that shoots the second-least, and 15 less than Golden State. Math is unbeaten against the Bulls this year.
Zach LaVine has been playing well, sure. But, brought to you by the same max-player that said they needed Pat Beverley because they didn’t have a leader before he got there (what, dude?), is this quote from after the all-important Atlanta game:
“I just think they wanted it more than us.”
Hmmm.
The 2022-2023 Bulls: We can’t shoot and don’t want it bad enough, but we are 10th out of 15 eastern conference teams. Come out for a game!
I’ll be fired up by the time the play-in game kicks off, though.
After a respectable split with the defending champs to kick off the season, the Sox have stumbled at home against the Giants. Outside of Dylan Cease, their starting pitchers have compiled an ERA over 8 thus far.
Michael Kopech is throwing slower, and is still relying on his fast ball. That trend manifested itself with a Giants home-run derby in his first start of the year. After another Cease-led win, Lance Lynn followed it up 4.1 IP, 9 hits, 5 walks and 8 earned runs in a 16-6 loss Thursday.
The good thing is that 1. we’re only a few games into a 162-game season 2. Leury Garcia is nowhere to be found and 3. Luis Robert and Yoan Moncada have been hitting the ball very well.
The bad news is that Eloy Jimenez is already hurt, and Moncada himself has been in and out of back stiffness, tummy aches, and neon cleats. The ceiling on the White Sox is not talent, nor is it the manager, it’s health. These issues already surfacing are a bad omen.
I promise that I’m not engaging in schadenfreude as a Cubs-leaning man. But I will say, the news that Hawk Harrelson was apparently forced out of his seat isn’t a good sign either. That man has the power to suck the life out of a franchise. We know he has the ability to inadvertently will an opponent’s ball out of the stadium (“Can of corn… and… it’s outta here).
Harrelson told AJ Pierzynski in an interview that he didn’t retire, but “got retired” instead. Forget the fact that Jason Benetti is about twice as good at the job as he was at the end, you don’t force legends out, even if they ignore their broadcast partners and berate umpires from the booth.
The Sox are in Pittsburgh starting today for their next three.
I told you Sox fans, these are unbiased words.
The best part of the Cubs also-rocky start to the new season was on Saturday when the sun blessed Wrigley Field with its presence for the first time all game and the stands greeted it with a standing ovation.
Then the frustrating part came about. Dansby Swanson was about the only Cub who could get on base, and thus came the first of two consecutive losses against the Brewers. Justin Steele did his job. The Cubs hitters did not.
After a couple of pitching duels against the Brewers, the two Reds games were essentially just batting practice for both sides throughout. The front-end of pitching staffs have been showing out considerably better than the back-ends so far.
Swanson, by the way, is 10/20 on the year, slashing .500/ .583/ .600. Welcome to Chicago, young man! Patrick Wisdom is right behind him at 6/16, slashing .375/ .444 /.875. I’m not sure why Cubs fans were so eager to get rid of the one of the only bats in the everyday lineup that can regularly produce home runs. He’s got 2 of them. And Cody Bellinger has one as well!
Here’s the bad news: the Cubs only have four home runs five games into the season.
The caveat, as with the Sox notes above: small sample size.
The biggest concern I have about the Cubs this year — by far — is their ability to hit for power. Opportune hitting is going to be paramount, as there are not many — if any — world beaters in that lineup. That will make it hard to win games.
David Ross has also concerned me a bit this year. He’s made a couple questionable decisions in this young season, but most notably, he bunted Wisdom in a 3-1 count with no outs and two men on. Again, in a 3-1 count. And, again, with one of the hottest hitters on the team. He popped up on the bunt for the first out.
Wisdom had gotten hit on the wrist earlier on in the game, but he stayed in it. If he was hurt, OK, but then he shouldn’t have been in.
Here’s my deepest long-term concern: that Ross has mostly been the subject of good reviews thus far because the Cubs have been so bad, so untalented during the majority of his tenure. With a little bit of more expectations this year, I’m worried he will get exposed.
I’m not predicting that, and certainly not hoping for it. But, yes, I am concerned.
The Cubs kick off their second home series today against the Rangers. Side note: I hate that the AL and NL play throughout the season now. Nothing special about these matchups anymore. Another side note: I don’t hate the pitch clock, unless I’m at the game.
We are only three weeks away from draft night. There have been murmurs that the Bears may take this player, that player, or the other one at no. 9. There have also been some murmurs of a trade back. We will see come April 27.
From what I can tell, Ryan Poles has a few players in mind. And if those players are no longer there at no. 9, he’ll trade back. But that’s unlikely given three quarterbacks will probably be taken. Even if there is another trade back, I think it’s likely to be a short one (3 slots or less).
There has been a lot of discussion around the Bears drafting the standout Ohio State wideout Jaxon Smith-Njigba. If that is the case, everyone’s reaction would be hmmmm… immediately into let’s fucking go! With as many holes to fill on the interior, that hmmm would make sense, but with the D.J. Moore acquisition, that let’s fucking go would also be warranted, as the Bears will have gone from one of the worst wide receiver teams in the league to one of the best in a year. It would also give Smith-Njigba the time to develop.
If it’s not him, it’ll likely be Parison Johnson Jr. (Ohio State offensive tackle) or Peter Skoronski (Northwestern tackle, from Chicagoland area). Defensively, Jalen Carter is unlikely to be there and I’m not confident the Bears will take any of the other tackles or edges out there, including Lukas Van Ness (THE IOWA HAWKEYES) who is so good he’ll likely go top 10 but didn’t play that many downs for Iowa this year.
We’ll dive more into the draft in the coming weeks.
But I do want to highlight two signings that have been made since we last spoke that I really liked:
— D'Onta Foreman, formerly of the Panthers. Dude is an animal. He became the primary back when Christian McCaffrey was traded last year. He’ll only be making $2 million this year. It makes the Montgomery move fine by me. Foreman played all 17 games last year and ran for nearly 1,000 yards.
— Robert Tonyan, formerly of the Packers. Tonyan is a super-talented tight end. His ACL tear two years ago slowed him down a bit and clearly dropped his market. He had 53 receptions for 470 yards last year. He’ll make $2.6 million this year.
Weapons won’t be a problem for Fields this year. The next step is ensuring he won’t be running for his life.
Thank you for reading today’s newsletter and coming back, as you always do, after a hiatus. I really appreciate it. Tell a friend to subscribe up top, and comment if you have thoughts down below.
Please define schadenfreude for me.
I wholeheartedly agree with you on the Bulls but we disagree why. The problem is DeRozan. Not that he is a bad guy and not that he isn't an incredible basketball player but the game has past him by. Players that play the three position around the NBA are stroking threes and hitting them all game long and they are good ball defenders. He can't shoot threes and he is a bad defender. Lavine might be too good of a guy. He will defer to DeRozan when he should take over. Lastly, this group of players needs someone to kick them in the ass. I love Donovan but he clearly isn't that guy. This team might thrive under Thibs.
Harrelson, legend or not, is a dick. He had maybe the best Color Commentator in all of Baseball working next to him and he ignored him. Time to retire, dick.
I have heard the bitching about Ross already. I would like to hear the background behind the bunt on 3-1 because I am sure it was not as simple as we think. More importantly, its been four games, relax.
Stop with the fantasizing with receivers. O-Line and D-Line till we puke in this draft! We ALL know thats what wins football!
I have been more interested in the NFL draft this year than ever before. I have seen a million different scenarios and I think the most intriguing would be the one I saw yesterday. Might just be recency bias, but trading back from 9 to 16 with Washington for Chase Young would be incredible. Can still grab an elite OT at 16 (PJJ, Skoronski, Broderick Jones) and address the DL with a potential super star. Not sure how likely that is or if the compensation is worth it for the Commanders, but if Levis or RIchardson are there at 9 and Washington makes a move, Young has to be in the conversation. 3 more picks in the top 65 for a CB, another DL, and a C. Could very easily go from worst to first.