Still Gotta Come Through Chicago

Aliens, Cubs, Contracts, and Trades

Happy Friday Chicago!

I just want to start out here by saying that I don’t know if aliens are real, but that, even after 750 videos of “confirmed UFOs” and a congressional hearing on their existence, I have not been even slightly convinced.

As a kid, if you heard in 2023 the politicians in Washington D.C., would be talking — in a serious meeting — about aliens, it would have blown your mind. It would have sounded like a movie. You would have assumed people started hoarding water and loading up on ammunition, calling their family members and asking for refuge in the countryside.

But, for the most part, no one seems to give a fuck. That’s probably in part due to an extreme desensitization to any type of “news”. More importantly, though, I think we’re right to just shrug our shoulders.

Firstly, does UFO not just stand for unidentified flying object? Why when we can’t identify something do we just chalk it up as aliens? I never understood that. And secondly, what the fuck does finding “non-human remains” mean? Isn’t everything around us non-human, besides the humans? I just need a little more detail, and haven’t gotten any of it.

Worse yet, you click on a video titled something like CHAIRWOMAN NANCY DREW CONFIRMS THAT THE US GOVERNMENT HAS COME INTO CONTACT WITH ALIENS. Then it’s just like a woman talking, with no conviction whatsoever, about something weird that happened.

The kids who gained access to a low-budget documentary about marijuana were better at convincing their peers that weed was actually “really good for you” than these people — sitting on Capitol Hill — are.

Then there’s these guys who claim to be whistleblowers, and all they’ve got is the same shit. You’re expecting to hear a bombshell, you’re expecting to have an existential crisis after watching, and then it sounds like this:

“Bro… listen… bro, so I was walking home, and then, and then, I saw these lights right, and then this thing popped out from the light, and then I ran… but then the thing was gone when I turned around.”

It sounds like something you’d generally respond to with, “Weren’t you wasted walking home from that party?”

The United States’ obsession with aliens is a pretty good indicator that we’ve all got it a little better than we believe. Instead of worrying about wars on domestic soil or where our next meal is coming from, we’re transfixed over the goddamn aliens.

I wrote two weeks ago about the things that were better two decades ago. One I really dropped the ball on was the ability to believe in adults in authoritative positions.

We didn’t get an official address on our televisions from a guy in a suit, somberly revealing confirmed alien contact. They took one of the greatest unknowns in the history of human existence and made it sound like a buddy at 2 a.m. trying to convince you the girl that likely doesn’t know he exists likes him.

I’m not disappointed that aliens aren’t taking over. But it’s still a bummer. It’s like a long-awaited movie finally coming out and being ass.

From here on out, I’m out on UFO and alien videos as much as I’m out on videos from NFL training camps. Let me see those throws, those extra terrestrials with my own eyes, at the 50-yard line on Game Day.

I worked for the Bulls for one season. The experience overall was amazing, but it did drop the allure of it all for me, which I hated. It’s ultimately why I decided I never wanted to work in sports again.

(The Detroit Pistons doing ladders in the hallway while bumping Future on opening night was awesome.)

Part of why I hated Lauri Markkanen so much is because the Bulls won, like, 17 games that year and he was always just kind of laughing and walking around with a stupid look on his face. Hey, it’s his job. And he’s an All-Star now. And I certainly haven’t always looked locked in at all of my jobs.

But that’s what sucked about it. I realized the vast majority of the guys weren’t special, that some of them were shit heads and some of them didn’t really care about their “jobs”.

I got out of there and have reclaimed my love for the United Center, the Bulls and professional basketball. But boy, did I come close to losing a lifetime love forever.

Not to say I’ve been an obsessive alien guy, but I expected more from the “aliens are real” hearings. It’s an overall disappointment, and everyone involved should be ashamed.

I expected more out of the moment, and I’m left with the same feeling I had walking out of the United Center after seeing Lauri Markkanen’s dumb face shaking from a giggle right after a 30-point Bulls loss to the Wizards.

Welcome back to the newsletter! Let’s get into it.

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I have a confession. I am starting to fall madly in love with this Cubs team.

They are a few notches below 2016, still, and a few more notches down from 2015. They haven’t even hit 2008 or 2009 levels yet.

But I am genuinely 100% in on this specific team and I know that’s not a good thing. I haven’t really loved a Chicago team in a while. I really loved the 2021-2022 Bulls, but that faded near the end. I actually also loved the Thad Young Bulls, but now we’re getting too deep. I haven’t been this drawn to a team since the 2018 Bears.

And they’re just .500. But that’s nothing to scoff at. They haven’t been .500 since May 12th.

They’ve also been better than their record suggests.

Look at that run differential compared to everyone else in the division. Baseball reference suggests their record — based on their own pythagorean theory — should be 56-46. That, as you can see, would put them .5 game back of the Brewers right now in the division.

But they play the games for a reason, don’t they? Either way, I won’t have to worry about picking up a new television show for at least a little longer.

Here’s what I wrote on July 14th

We are two weeks away from the trade deadline. I need the Cubs to throw a last-ditch, 5-game winning streak effort at this season before it’s too late. Otherwise, I’ll have to find a TV show to watch or something — and I don’t want to do that.

I am saved from “The Bear”! And we are saved from another selloff — at least for now.

Since that point, they are 9-4. They’ve won six in a row. They are 5.5 games out of the top spot of a very winnable division and are 4 games out of a Wild Card spot.

They embarrassed the White Sox in a two-game series at Guaranteed Rate.

I was a little bit worried that having to fly late to St. Louis after two big crosstown wins would be tough on our chances in Game 1 of this series. But then the Cardinals — those dumb, stuck up, moronic Cardinals — acted like the Cardinals in the first inning and everything turned.

If you haven’t seen by now, Ian Happ accidentally hit Willson Contreras in the head on his backswing (Happ’s backswing is obnoxious), which knocked Willson out of the game. They literally hugged after. And then the Cardinals pitcher, Miles Mikolas, was dumb enough to throw at Happ — twice!, hitting him once. There were two outs. Mikolas was ejected, the Cubs scored three runs in the inning, and then didn’t look back.

That BAD MAN Justin Steele battled through the heat and tossed another gem. He’s 4-0 against the Cardinals this year.

The vibes could not be higher on a .500 team. They love each other, they love being Cubs, and I love them.

Nico Hoerner makes one defensive play a game that makes me stand up out of my seat. He plays his ass off. Christopher Morel’s does the same, and I love every moment he’s playing in a Cubs uniform — during the good times and bad (the former has greatly outweighed the latter).

Cody Bellinger also turned one of the most impressive double plays I’ve ever seen at first base today. Oh, and he also has 37 hits, 8 homers and 34 RBIs in the month of July.

Dansby Swanson — the captain — comes back from injury and immediately makes an impact, highlighted by a two-homer night against the Sox.

I already loved Seiya Suzuki as you all know, and his grand-slam saving catch the other day made me legitimately yelp.

We’ve got the underdog in Mike Tauchman, and even the little guy Miles Mastrobuoni shoved my comments from last week’s newsletter up my ass with a homer that Friday.

The bullpen hasn’t gotten enough love here, either. Is Adbert Alzolay a legit closer? He sure looks like it, and man, do I love the enthusiasm. Mark Leiter Jr. has been NAILS. Javier Assad — remember him? — has been humming, and boy does Daniel Palencia fit the part.

I feel like I’m giving a THANK YOU speech and I’m being run off stage. I love so many other guys, too. You know I love Hendricks and Stroman.

It’s just as good as it gets for a .500 team. They’re on a roll, they’re having fun, and so am I.

Checking the MLB scoreboard every night to check if the Reds, Brewers, Phillies, Marlins, etc. won is a privilege I don’t take lightly.

Jed, the ball is in your court. Don’t ruin this.

Do I want the Cubs to be buyers? If it makes sense, sure. Do I think they should sell? The answer remains definitively no.

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The White Sox season has been truly disgusting, embarrassing and unwatchable. But at least the front office has come to grips with that.

I had this feeling that the Sox were going to act like nothing was wrong, that things could be turned around this season or next with a similar group. I’m glad to say the feeling was incorrect, for the sake of Sox fans everywhere.

They traded Lucas Giolito and Reynaldo Lopez on Thursday for two Angels prospects.

Let’s start on the Sox side. Was Giolito worth a sizable contract extension? He’s had good years, he’s had OK years, and he’s had really bad years. If you take the mean of all of that, he’s a solid starter. I don’t think the White Sox believed he was a difference maker long term, and nor do I.

Even in Giolito’s good years — like the one he’s having right now — he has some befuddling, awful starts. I get that, to some extent, that comes with the territory. But I just never felt like he was a guy you could rely on in a playoff series, which, in the end, is what this is all about.

Cutting bait with him now, while you can — and while his value remains high — was the right move.

What does suck is that Giolito seems like a genuinely good dude, and has really been a defining part of this White Sox stretch, with the caveat that this hasn’t been some fantastic White Sox stretch.

It was also the right time to make the move because of the team they traded with. The Angels are not trading Shohei Ohtani, and are therefore desperate to make the playoffs this year for the first time since 2014.

Rule no. 1 in professional sports: Always trade with desperate teams.

Lopez had a really good year last year, but, as Sox players are wont to do, has regressed in a major way in 2023.

Losing Giolito may sting from an invested fan’s lens, but losing those two players should be relatively easy to get over in short order.

In return, they were able to get two of the Angels top prospects. It’s worth mentioning that FanGraphs has the Angels in dead last in terms of farm system rankings, and that “top prospects” is a completely subjective term.

But, still, the Sox were able to get two interesting players back during a lost season. That’s a win. That makes 42 of them on the year.

First, there’s Ky Bush, a 23-year-old left hander who’s been awful in the minors this year. He clearly has potential, but hasn’t shown it off in the way of results yet. It’s hard to judge a player — particularly a pitcher — based on their minor league performances, however.

White Sox fans will likely be more intrigued by Edgar Quero, who is a switch-hitting, 20-year-old catching prospect. What’s most impressive about Quero is that he’s only 20 and already with the Angels AA affiliate.

What’s key here is to remember the alternative. And that would be sitting on two pitchers, not likely to be signed to long-term deals, in a year when you’re a bad, bad baseball team.

When you view it from that perspective, the deal becomes more of a no-brainer, whether Bush or Quero turn out or not.

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The Bears signed Cole Kmet to a four-year, $50 million deal this week.

At the surface, it sounds like a lot, but $20 million of that will be paid out in the first year, and only $32.8 million is guaranteed. The annual average makes him the 9th highest-paid tight end in the league — for now.

If things go awry, the Bears can get out of the deal after next year.

Source: Spotrac

I have a few thoughts on the deal, none of which include really strong feelings.

Cole Kmet had an all around really good year last year. I think the Bears tight end group is in a better position — with Robert Tonyan, too — than it has been in a long time.

Do I think Cole Kmet is awesome, or that he’ll ever be an elite tight end? I do not, but that’s okay.

Generally, the Bears have money to spend, and guys getting deals during training camp is far better than guys not reaching deals and sitting out, like last year. There’s a sense of movement forward when deals like Kmet’s are getting done in July.

Justin Fields was also named to the NFL’s Top 100 players list.

His video is awesome. It’s always cool to see other players speak highly of your guy.

Do I think Justin Fields is the 86th best player in the NFL? No, I don’t think he’s that high right now. But if you’re dumb enough to still be arguing over these lists, which are based on a few players who actually decide to vote, then that’s your issue.

It amazes me that people still get sucked into these NFL Top 100 debates on a yearly basis. The list isn’t every representative of the true top 100 players in the NFL, and that’s fine. It makes for fun videos for NFL Films. Enjoy it for what it is, get a job, and stop arguing over it.

Furthermore, you’re not a PUP list expert. Shut up. I was never a huge fan of Chase Claypool, but the incessant hate for him as a player has become unbearable. I can’t wait for him to have a productive year.

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Blackhawks Owner Rocky Wirtz died this week unexpectedly. He was 70.

I’ll leave the true obituaries to others, but it is a fact that, without his influence, the Blackhawks unprecedented success during the last two decades does not happen.

RIP.

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