Happy Friday Chicago!
If you missed it, read last week’s newsletter here.
It feels so god. damn. good. to be back.
Not to this newsletter — we’ve been running steady, have we not?
But instead, back in sweet, sweet home Chicago, after a three-day trip to that hellhole Las Vegas that some of you disgusting, immature pigs call a fun time. My God, I left that city for the first time so ashamed over so many people I thought I knew.
You would have to pay me to go back.
Want to go to a place in the middle of the dessert with big tall buildings, with no nearby water fronts or rivers, incessant 103-degree heat and basically only people there who are looking to sniff something, suck something or lose money they need to feed their kids with? Step right up to Sin City!
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? I sure fucking hope so. After I close this computer I never want to think of that cigarette-smell-entrenched place again.
When people talk about Las Vegas as an oasis for women and gambling, they should have to diagram it for you. Because for the vast majority of people, the women are duck-footed, overweight women with less clothes on than should be allowed by the law, wearing t-shirts that say things like “My Two Personalities: Drinky Drinky OR Over Thinky.”
And don’t get me started on the men. Almost every one has a gross look of guilt on his smirking face as he walks around carpeted areas with a cigarette and a tall boy in each of his hands and a slightly erect bulge underneath his pants at 9 a.m.
And on the gambling front, there is perhaps nothing more depressing than someone sitting on those machines testing their luck before they’ve even had breakfast.
And then the people bringing their children there? We should absolutely allow such a thing to happen as a country. Just as long as right when they get to The Flamingo Hotel with their 6- and 8-year olds they immediately have to turn them into Child Protective Services.
Oh, and it’s dry heat, right? So it’s not as bad as Chicago heat, or something like that? Tell that to the poor bastard who reached out to shake my hand after I had walked for *three minutes* outside. My sweat probably left his hand balmy into the next day.
Traveling across the country these days is also like unwillingly signing up to be a part of one of those mission trips, but only engaging in the bad parts and helping no one. One delay after another. One thing is not working because of X. Another thing isn’t working because of Y. There’s at least three people on your plane who have disrespected the flight attendant before you’ve even sat down and the flight was delayed four times, yet you have no idea why.
Then you get to Las Vegas and walk out of the airport only to feel like you’re suffocating 5 seconds later. You’ve now arrived at a place where people almost exclusively come to do morally heinous things. Hope you can make some friends.
Look, there’s some water and a boat! Oh, no, that’s just a crackhead singing Red Hot Chili Peppers on a wooden raft in a manmade lake put in the middle of the strip.
If you were doing a thesis paper on the USA being a mistake, four days in Las Vegas would give you all the material you needed and then some.
From the New York Island to the Redwood Forests, in between there’s a place that should be nuked from the planet.
Now, just as I do in my sports arguments, I’m obligated to give some caveats. Hey, if you’re going for a bachelor party and are drinking by a pool, sleeping, or gambling for 24 hours per day, I’m sure it could be a blast. But it turns out that you can drink, sleep, and gamble just about anywhere these days.
And maybe that’s it, too. Maybe I’ve seen enough vice in my life to not be enthralled with a place dedicated to it. I was also on a work trip, so the vibes I was walking around with were — for obvious reasons — not the same vibes everyone else was walking around with.
I get all of that. So let me process it.
Yeah, nope, I still think it’s an unmitigated disaster of a creation.
But hey, it’s a free country, so you have the right to be a dirty slob in Las Vegas whenever you please. And I also have the right to never step foot in the state of Nevada ever again.
If you can’t get enough of Las Vegas, I tend to think you’re telling on yourself. But no judgment here. Hey, I thought the Rainforest Cafe was the greatest place on earth until I turned 12.
When I got to my gate for my departing flight and saw Chicago Bulls hoodies and people that looked like they were from here, I was like a man lost at sea seeing land for the first time in 72 days. And it had only been three.
If the plane went down, I thought, at least I was on my way back to Chicago.
The lesson from this seems like it should be to not travel, and maybe due to the flight delays and hotel mishaps I dealt with, it should be. But to me, it was a reminder why you should travel: to explore, yes, but also to remind yourself the good parts about living where you do.
I’ve never felt better about being a Chicagoan. I damn near kissed the neighborhood homeless man on my way to the store yesterday. Here’s 100 bucks, my guy. Go Bulls. Still Gotta Come Through Chicago, take me home.
Can we launch a Congressional investigation into how the Cubs handle their trade deadlines? Mum is the word for four weeks leading up the trade deadline as their star, World-Series-winning players legit bawl crying in the dugouts.
Sign Willson Contreras to an extension or trade him. Whatever you do, do it fast. I cannot take it anymore. Kris Bryant crying in the dugout looking out at Wrigley Field. Willson Contreras crying basically every time he is on camera.
All the while, not a single word from the men upstairs. At least we’ll get a Thank You, Willson! tweet when he’s pulled from a game on August 1.
I wrote about my thoughts on rebuilding, rebuilding, and rebuilding last week.
The truth is that I think the Cubs have a chance to be really good in the next two years, unfortunately. Now, why, as a Cubs fan, did I just say unfortunately?
It’s gotten that bad, that I almost am rooting against the Cubs rebuild because it’s so characterized by mismanagement of humans and arrogance that it’s turning me apathetic.
It is no fun watching a team on a five-game win streak when you know they’re going to have to fight their asses off to win one post-trade deadline.
Will I be indulging in 1:20 games when I get off at 1 p.m. on Fridays in August? No. Perhaps. Definitely. So I don’t have much room to talk.
But at least the tickets are cheap right now, right? I love this. No one who has ever thought a Cubs game was going to be a cheap endeavor because of the ticket prices has the appetite I do, nor the friends I have. Yeah, the ticket was $15. The four beers, 2 hot dogs and Giordano’s personal pie were $200.
The Cubs management lies through their teeth about everything, so it’s not worth your time to listen to them after the trade deadline when they tell us this is the “last time” they will be sellers.
Either way, I just want it to end. We’ll have a great farm system in 2023, that’s for sure. But at what cost? That’s probably a naive question, but taking one of the most trusting and loving fanbases in all of sports and turning them into cynics in a matter of years cannot be good for business — at least I hope it’s not.
Was our dimwit mayor talking shit to the Bears after they threatened to leave the city a year or two ago for the first time (in a long time, at least) absolutely idiotic? It sure seems like it. And even though her statement may have been true (the Bears should worry more about being competent before they think about building their own stadium), it looks even dumber now that she’s got every Chicago designer and photo shopper working day and night to come up with new Soldier Field renditions.
I personally think if you want a dome on top of Soldier Field you should move to Las Vegas. You’re simply not cut out to be a part of the 4th phase. It’s why every one of our Dads has long underwear and an endless supply of hand and foot warmers, two products I still wouldn’t know where to purchase if I had to.
If you think the Bears should be playing in a dome in December, you probably also think the Big Ten bringing USC and UCLA into the conference was a sensical move.
Football games aren’t for eating charcuterie and sipping on vodka sodas while whispering in your date’s ear, alright? They’re for men and women ready to suck down Miller Lites in between whipping a towel around their heads on third downs that the other team inevitably converts.
I think moving to Arlington Heights is sacrilegious and ridiculous. And if its proponents are naive enough to think that the Bears are going to build an awesome stadium experience there, they probably also think their partner heads to Vegas once every other week strictly for “business.”
I mean, ladies, gentlemen, TED PHILLIPS is in charge of Mission Arlington Heights.
Even if you like the idea of going on a trip that’s floated out there in the group chat, if your dumbest friend is suggesting it, you’re at least going to stop the show for a minute, delegate duties elsewhere, and do some more groundwork.
But I also don’t want some cookie cutter dome on Soldier Field.
And hey, a dome doesn’t fix the admittedly bad things about Soldier Field: the wait to get in, the wait for the bathrooms, and the capacity limitations.
Is it absolutely pathetic that Lori Lightfoot is coming out with these proposals a year after blasting the Bears? Of course. Is it even dumber that the Chicago Bears would leave the front porch of Chicago to play in Arlington fucking heights? Yes.
It’s all just exhausting. At least football season is coming up…
Unfortunately, the football is not likely to be all much better than the shit show dispute over where to play the football in the future.
I’m not the guy that’s checking for training camp updates obsessively, I think that’s probably something that’s not good for any fan’s wellbeing, one way or the other, but just for fun — here are the first three ones I saw today as I ate lunch:
— Justin Fields with a beautiful ball, dropped by Byron Pringle
— Justin Fields with a beautiful ball, dropped by N’Keal Harry, intercepted by Eddie Jackson
— Center Lucas Patrick — just about the only free-agent add I really liked — getting carted off the field
And… we’re off!
This is all after, of course, the Bears signed multiple offensive lineman in consecutive days prior to camp opening — ones that will likely see a whole lot of action in Riley Reiff and Michael Schofield.
Whether it’s calling a 40-year-old Jason Peters while he’s fishing to beg him to fill a spot or signing multiple free agents once you realize you won’t be able to protect your sophomore quarterback adequately, one thing’s for sure: the Bears, they never change, no matter who’s in charge.
The Bears had three rookies either starting or rotating in with the 1s on Day 1 of training camp, surely not a good sign, no matter what the starting front looks like in the first game of the season.
Teven Jenkins, the Bears second-round draft pick last year, was not at practice. While that’s also not a good sign, what’s worse is that it doesn’t seem as if he’ll be part of the offensive line much at all this year either way.
Roquan Smith was placed on the PUP list — physically unable to perform — while his contract gets worked out. Could we have not figured out a deal for our best player prior to the season starting??
I also have no clue why he was placed on the PUP list, and the Bears aren’t really commenting on that, which once again goes back to the Bears staying the same — being murky and weird with injuries or non-injuries — as the administrations change.
Not only is Smith the best player on the team, he also will be playing at least one of the most important positions — WILL linebacker — in Matt Eberflus’ defense.
The only bright spot was that Robert Quinn was there and is committed to playing for the Bears this season. I think this is a great thing. In football, it’s probably best to at least keep some of your players, even if you could get a 2nd- or 3rd-round draft pick for him. Why he wasn’t at mini camp, I don’t know, nor do I really care.
I think Quinn could have been an all-time favorite Bear if he landed on the team under different circumstances. But such is life as a Bear and as a Bears fan.
But if we want to look at the bright side, at least Justin Fields is throwing beautiful balls, whether they are getting dropped or not. I just have a feeling that, even though it’s just training camp, some of the Day 1 items — bad offensive linemen news and dropped balls — are going to be themes of the season.
Still, I can smell football camp in the air. It’s getting hot and the turf pellets are smelling awful. But at least we’re not reporting, and we can enjoy the beautiful game — college and pro — from afar in just a matter of weeks.
The 2022 White Sox are hellbent on continuing to be the 2022 White Sox, whether they win the division or not.
Earlier on in the season, I thought the Sox would rebound and win the division. Now, I still think they are going to win the division, but do not think there will be much “rebounding.”
Instead, I think they’ll probably plod their way into the playoffs as the division winner, and that’s all that matters, right?
Eh, probably not. Yes, teams that have won the World Series in history have oftentimes had bad records at the break. As was the case with the Atlanta Braves last year.
But those teams generally got scorching hot by the end of the season. Given how weak the AL Central is, the Sox can feasibly continue playing meh baseball and still win the division. In some ways, that almost makes it worse. As of now, do they really deserve a pennant?
We’ll be back with a trade deadline recap next week. Can’t wait.
Thank you so much for reading. Comment below, and if not, I will see you all next week. STILL GOTTA COME THROUGH CHICAGO! Have a great weekend.
As much as you want to deny it, you are your fathers son! I am not a Vegas fan. I have been there multiple times for work where I constantly am checking to see if I still have my wallet. Scum bags abound. I have never wanted to punch so many people in one place.
The Bears, in my mind, are hiding under the table in the fetal position hoping everyone will stop paying attention to them. Your greatest line ever is your reference to people who believe Ted Phillips can pull this off also think their partners head to Vegas once a month for "business"
Sign Contreras to a new deal. Last I checked we need ALL Star Catchers.
Another GREAT article Andrew, keep em coming!