Happy Friday Chicago!
I had Monday off this week, which somehow led to personal boredom for the first time in 15 years or so.
Boredom has generally gone extinct. You can watch whatever, whenever. You don’t even have to go to the store to buy a video game. You can scroll endlessly on your phone, and you may hate yourself and the world after, but you won’t be “bored.”
That would have been unimaginable to 12-year-old me, and I’m sure most of your younger selves. It’s probably not a good thing, either.
The screenwriter Aaron Sorkin once said that the only reason he entered the profession was because he was so bored one night in his apartment that he ended up writing on a typewriter.
Having something to fill out time is a short-term gain, but probably a long-term loss.
But after I heard Sorkin say that, I think I subconsciously banked that in my head as a reason I’m not a famous writer. Just was never bored enough, man. I’m a product of my age, and have too many cool friends. Nice job on The Social Network, Sorkin, you dork.
The other one, my go-to, is that I “just arrived in the wrong era.” If I was around during the internet boom, Bill Simmons would be asking me if he could join my company.
Of course, none of that is true. And I know the first part to not be true because of Monday, and how I reacted to boredom.
I was productive with it in the start, but after checking my work email for the 6th time on my day off, going to the grocery store, exercising, vacuuming, and rearranging my apartment, self-pity started to creep in as I thought deeply — arms crossed, looking on — about the best and most logical ways to hide the cords behind my television.
It didn’t turn into me sitting down with my quill and writing Oliver Twist, though. It didn’t — as my friends like to say — persuade me to write one of my “love novels” (I’ve never written anything close to love novel, but the meathead sales boys think anyone who can correctly distinguish their, they’re and there is Nicholas Sparks).
No, instead, after chores were out of the way, I became resigned to the fact that I’d have to begin watching college basketball religiously. Minutes later I was watching Houston-Iowa State as if I had a sibling on one of the teams.
I also read about WW2 fighter pilots during commercial breaks, as gray hairs began to form on my head and my face began to wrinkle.
But that may have led to a breakthrough. Not the WW2 reading, but the college basketball watching. I will write a not-so-definitive primer on this year’s college basketball landscape during the first week of March for you all. I went from watching parts of two to three Big Ten games per week to every game I could get my eyes on during the NBA All-Star break. I’ll continue to do so until March so I can get everyone who was in the same position as me up to date.
So, all of that is partly to say: look out for that.
Did you get your tickets yet?
For the Scottie Pippen, Horace Grant, Luc Longley “No Bull” world tour? Excuse me, it’s an Australian tour.
No, really. Those three are embarking on a speaking tour down under to talk about “their side of the story,” apparently in response to The Last Dance documentary.
I wish they would have consulted me on the best name for it. “No Bull” — and its usage of the mascot as a homonym — is a bit overplayed.
“Old, Dumb, and Broke” much more aptly describes what’s going on here.
Now that Grant and Pippen no longer get paid to go to Bulls games and wave at the jumbotron once in the second quarter, they’re apparently doing what everyone ever associated with the Bulls does best: ink every last dollar possible out of Michael Jordan.
The tough guy act started during the announcement, when Grant said that “he speaks his mind,” and that “it’s going to be a no bullshit tour. A lot of people really want to ask us questions about that bullshit documentary. Just come out and get the tickets and you will hear a lot.”
Come and get the tickets! What tough guys. What a pitch. These sensitive thugs all need hugs!
Pippen needs therapy, which is evident from, well, every time he has talked publicly over the last decade plus. No shame in that, hope he gets what needs, and happy for him that his ex-wife is no longer banging Michael Jordan’s son. Gee, I wonder what his gripe is?
Grant “speaks his mind,” I guess. Every time I’ve heard him talk since the 90s was him bitching, so I can only assume there will be a lot more where that came from when he’s in Perth puffing his chest out.
Luc Longley basically hasn’t been heard from since the 90s, and he would have been better off keeping it that way, acknowledging the fact that no one would know who his slow ass was without Jordan, and keeping the residual lore he still has.
Of course, they are welcome to provide their own perspectives. Longley, in particular. He wasn’t featured in the documentary at all.
Pippen has gripes, too. After all, The Last Dance showed him pouting over not getting a last shot drawn up for him, and then refusing to go into the game because of it. Why would a documentary show what happened on a 90s Bulls team? Totally unfair.
I’m sure the Australians will be enamored by grown men whining about not getting their fair due of credit for being part of the greatest dynasty of all time.
Good luck to these losers.
The Bears hired their first woman coach to the full-time staff this past week — Jennifer King will be an assistant running backs coach.
They also, in just two months, could have one of the best QB prospects of the last 20 years on their roster.
Both of these are facts that are great, in a vacuum.
But if things go awry for the offense next year, Chicago sports fans may set back gender equality and self-expression by a century.
“Jim from Hegewisch here, first time long time. You know, I got no problem with women or anything, I got a wife and two daughters, but, what are we doing with the running backs? They’re just not running as hard dis year.”
If Caleb Williams gets hurt with his nails painted, we’re going to get enough “what did he chip a naillll?” comments for a lifetime.
These are the kinds of things I think about to pass time on the way to April’s Draft.
Plus, I think the only thing I needed to hear from Justin Fields to move into the Williams camp was him saying that he’s a LeBron-over-MJ guy. See ya later, running back! Never liked the guy anyways.
But what’s of more importance than both of the above notes is Matt Eberflus’ new look heading into the 2024 season.
Mother of God! If the guy on the right bites his lip in front of me, I may have to go in for the kiss! That man looks stupid clean.
He appears to be the most recent 50+ male in America who realized that he 1. will no longer lose his job if he lets his beard grow for a week 2. looks far better with a little stubble.
Every man of a certain age in this country still shutters at tattoos and facial hair on a professional, but for every man that breaks through, progress is made.
Hell, the guy on the right looks like he may steal your girl and take the north and never give it back!
It’s back to reality. The Bulls lost 129-112 to the Celtics last night. And the worst part about it is that they didn’t even play that poorly.
That’s how far away they are from contention, though. A “competitive” team, as Arturas Karnisovas puts it, wouldn’t look like a JV team playing the varsity, which the Bulls looked like Thursday night.
Without much gameplay over the last week, and not much to go over that hasn’t already been said in previous newsletters about the front office, I have one remaining thought about this team.
Is Billy Donovan going to be the Bulls coach next year? And no, I don’t think he’s going to get fired. And he shouldn’t be. He’s a strength, not a weakness, of this mediocre team.
But why would he want to stick around? He makes millions and lives in Chicago, I’m sure that’s great. And most people would be content with that.
But this is a guy with two national titles and a Western Conference Finals appearance under his belt. Prior to his stint with the Bulls, his teams were all very good, and very talented. The Bulls have been good for exactly two months during his tenure, and those days are long gone.
The road is leading nowhere. We all know it, and I assume Donovan knows it, too.
College is probably not super attractive to him at this point in his career. I doubt a 58-year-old man wants to dive back into the recruiting grind after the advent of NIL and the transfer portal.
But unlike the rest of his peers at the Advocate Center, Donovan is a reasonable man. Why would he want to stick around for sub-par season after sub-par season?
Being told that you’re going to be riding geriatric versions of DeRozan and Vucevic year after year doesn’t seem like a great selling point to any guy with that kind of resume.
One of the largest transactions of the baseball offseason has just taken place. That’s not hyperbolic.
Christopher Kamka — the associate producer and stats guy for White Sox broadcasts — has been lured away by the Cubs and the Marquee Sports Network, according to the Sun-Times.
To anyone who has watched the White Sox religiously, or followed Kamka on Twitter over the last decade, you’re aware how big of a deal this is.
As a Cubs fan, I’m ecstatic to have him. He’s been one of my favorite follows on that hellhole Twitter for years, and the factoids he used to throw on the Sox broadcasts always hit.
Marquee, up until this point, has made some annoying moves. But the broadcast of the games specifically has gotten better and better. This will help them continue on that trajectory.
For Sox fans, I don’t know, man. At least you still have Steve Stone.
I wouldn’t be shocked if the Sox hit all-time lows in both attendance and viewership this year.
Not only is the team going to be downright terrible, but Jerry Reinsdorf is actively working to 1. leave an area of the city that has supported the Sox for over a century 2. pry away $1 billion from taxpayers for a new stadium when he has never spent more than $75 million on a player in the age of $300 million contracts 3. destroy the only thing Sox fans did love about the team: the broadcast.
When you turn on a Sox game in June, and they are 19 games below .500, you won’t even have Jason Benetti to soothe your Tuesday night. And now you won’t have Kamka, either.
Enough can’t be said about how much of a delusional asshole Reinsdorf is.
I like the new Sox stadium renderings as much as the next guy. Sox fans deserve that. But is it worth it for Jerry to get his way? I’m not so sure. Fuck that guy.
As I’ve mentioned here before, during one of the few embarrassing Bears moments last season, I banned myself from talking shit about Tom Ricketts.
But, buddy, I think I’m ready to punch that time card.
The audacity this guy must have to cry poor about the team’s ability or willingness to spend. You turned Wrigley into Rickettsville. You got your own network. All of this was supposed to be justified by top-tier spending on the actual team.
And still, in 2024, we’re fed rhetoric from the Chicago Cubs owner that sounds like its from the Tampa Bay Rays owner. It’s ridiculous.
I’ll leave that there for now.
Christopher Morel is getting extended reps at third base in Spring Training. It’s about time we started approaching this guy’s career for what it is: one with massive potential.
Now go sign Cody Bellinger and please allow me to get excited for this baseball season so I don’t have to divide my ire between five different franchises at one time (Patrick Kane said this week he would have stayed with the Blackhawks if they had offered him a deal).
Not much to cover on the court or on the field this week, dear readers. But there will be next week, and then we’ll have a CBB March Madness primer from yours truly. Be well, get someone to subscribe today, and comment below.
I am elated to see you reading about World War II Pilots. That alone will keep you from becoming another one of your generation that thinks commuting to the office when its raining is a challenge better left untested.
Horace Grant has always been a bitch and can't get over picking the wrong horse when he fled to Orlando. Traitor.
Pippen, who literally owes his life to Jordan is just a sad story. As the Donlan's say, "You order shit, you eat shit!" You picked that woman of questionable character as a wife because she was hot and now you have to deal with the repercussions. It's not Michael's fault.
Cubs, for the love of god please sign Bellinger!!!! When we signed him last year, I am sure we told him that if he returned to his old ways we would sign him long term. He held up his end.
Another great article Andrew ! Could Ryan Poles be feeling the "Bo Callahan" syndrome? Would you consider Drake Maye at all?
Your best line in this article is "Fuck Jerry Reisndorf!" The 3 stooges touring to talk about the Last Dance is nothing more then a self pity fundraiser. Get over yourselves. One more question: How can one of the most electric sports cities in the country, with passionate fan bases, end up with the Hawks, Sox, Bulls ? Keep the articles coming !