Still Gotta Come Through Chicago
Don't Tell Me It's Raining
Happy Friday Chicago!
Another E. Coli scare. Another cause for societal unrest.
Apparently McDonalds’ Quarter Pounders have fast-food consumers dropping like flies across the country. Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas… but the virus ain’t coming here. It knows better. It can’t hurt me.
It’s hard to keep your street credibility as a virus when you come into this house.
A QP has gone down the hatchet in this house the last four Saturdays, and one is going down the hatchet on Saturday.
One? You’re right, I’ll sub out the nuggets.
I’m going to juggle three of those bad boys on Saturday night and land them in my mouth consecutively to cap off the show. Keep the onions on there, E. Coli can’t guard me. Spread out, give me some room. Get me in space with E. Coli and only one of us is coming out, and I got my money on me.
Saturday night is the junk food night, paired with what’s left of the football slate. Friday, though, Friday is the night to gear up for all the weekend offers.
Sometimes it’s a football night, too, but most of the time, I land on a movie so mindless that I can predict what will happen throughout once all of the characters are introduced 15 minutes in.
This Friday may be different, as I’ve been told I need to watch this Menendez Brothers documentary. But I already got sirens going off in my head for that one.
Please tell me this is not another documentary where I’m persuaded to feel bad for the subjects throughout, only to end up believing that they probably belong in jail.
“Did you know Aaron Hernandez may have been gay, though?” Okay, and… what are we talking about here? Are gay people allowed to empty the clip at will?
There’s been a trend over the last 15 years of documentaries and podcasts being thrust on us where someone is supposed to be innocent. Without exaggeration, I’m not sure I’ve ever come away from one thinking that the subject is innocent.
I’m not talking about guys that have been in jail over a decade for serving dime bags of weed, either.
No, I’m talking about the docs where they sneak in that the guy used to murder little dogs and bunny rabbits, and then go on to tell you that the prosecutor had it out to get him! Remember “Making a Murderer”? The worst critical thinker you know claims that as their favorite Netflix production ever.
My review? Guilty! Enjoy prison.
“But… but the documentary said! … I signed a petition!”
I bet you did. And I bet you believe that Pat McAfee grinds college football tape all week, too, that when he is explaining Texas’ coverages on College GameDay it’s all original thought.
I’ll do you one better. I bet you watched LeBron and his son, Bronny, share the court on NBA opening night and thought it was “historic,” and “one of the best sports moments ever.”
You can’t create a Venn Diagram of the people that fall into the above three camps, because it’s just one big ol’ camp of oafs. A circle full of dimwits.
I could piss on all of their legs and tell them it’s raining. They’d only wonder how it took them this long to know that rain could be warm.
Here’s a deal, the guy from the documentary you watched gets to roam free. You go to jail. It’d be a net positive. We’d have a lot fewer LeBron Stans roaming these streets. Lock. Them. Up!
If LeBron James and his son were both NBA players, and both ended up on the same team, at the same time, even a curmudgeon like me would have to tip his cap.
I don’t even have a problem with Bronny being on the Lakers, nor do I really have a problem with this kind of nepotism.
But Bronny James averaged 4 points per game on 36% shooting in his one year in college. If his name were anything but Bronny James, he would have a tough time transferring to a top-25 college program this year, and earning minutes in the rotation.
He left for the NBA anyway, and the Lakers took him anyway, thanks to the orders of his father. He was the single worst player in the NBA preseason. I feel bad for him, he probably has imposter syndrome. Let me help you out kid, there’s no syndrome here. You’re just an imposter.
Now he’s subbing into actual NBA games so his father can get a photoshoot with him and post it on Instagram. That’s fine, too, as long as we all agree this is completely contrived.
Under no other circumstance would he be in the league, playing on opening night.
My brother was named principal for a day in grade school. It turns out he didn’t wield any power, and he never actually was principal.
My parents told me I was the fastest kid in the world when I was younger, after I ran from one yard to the other to greet them.
They were lying. I ran a 6.8-second 40-yard dash in the 7th grade.
But if my parents then turned around and said that they were the parents of the fastest kid in the world, because they called me the fastest kid in the world in the backyard, and then tried to take credit for it… well, they’d be LeBron fans.
Thank God my mother hasn’t fallen victim to the LeBron propaganda just yet. She’s a good woman.
Just don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining, man.
The only thing you can take from Tuesday night is that LeBron has been able to play so long in the league that he has a son old enough to qualify for the NBA draft. That’s it.
Having Ken Griffey Jr. and his dad at the game, too, as if there’s comparison. That shit made me sick.
If I don’t need to believe that Kim Jung Un is the best golfer in the world, or that he doesn’t shit, I don’t need to stand up and clap for LeBron’s photoshoot with his son.
If you’re calling this a “historic sports moment,” you’re no better than Buddy The Elf believing the corner coffee shop has The World’s Best Coffee.
Wake up.
I had to, panting, when I heard 6.8! yelled out after my 40-yard-dash at football tryouts. It’s a good thing you don’t need to be fast to punish the man in front of you, with technique and tenacity.
Once your prefrontal cortex also develops, I’ll take your documentary recommendations for tonight. But if they don’t come fast enough, I’m watching The Town again.
I urge you to rest up tonight, too. We’ve got a big weekend ahead of us.
Let’s get into it.
It’s still unclear whether Jayden Daniels will play on Sunday, but I’ll tell you where I firmly stand on his status.
I don’t want him to play. The Bears are on a three-game winning streak, they’re building momentum. All I care about when it comes to Sunday’s game is winning.
The Williams vs. Daniels debate, the Williams vs. Daniels showdown, that’s for the national viewer. I’m a local viewer, and therefore, I don’t care whether he plays or not from an entertainment perspective. I do hope he doesn’t play so the Bears have a higher chance of winning.
You want to see Daniels over Marcus Mariota because some guy in your office said the Bears took the wrong guy, and you want to prove him wrong? Come on.
We’re new to this winning thing, to this having a quarterback thing. Let’s win a few more games before we start having LeBron-Jordan arguments with our rookie quarterback.
In general, I am completely out on the individualistic way we consume sports and sports media these days.
I come from the NBA circles, and I’m warning you, NFL, do not fall down to their level. I cannot have the next generation of kids rooting for specific NFL players the way they do in the NBA. It makes me concerned for the country.
Who’s my favorite NFL player? Whichever offensive lineman protects my quarterback the best on Sunday. How about that, punk? Now take only one piece of candy and get the hell out of here.
I’m fine with a player vs. player argument here and there, that’s just timeless barber shop talk.
But Caleb is playing well, and I think that he is going to be one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL eventually. So why would I care if some people think Daniels is better?
I’ll say it again: I’m just getting used to having a quarterback, in general. I don’t need the piss contests to commence already. We’ll save that for 2026, maybe.
The fact of the matter is that if the Bears get Mariota on Sunday, their chances of winning a tough road game sky rocket. That’s true for obvious reasons. Daniels is a better thrower. Daniels is a far better runner. Daniels has more familiarity with the Commanders offense, the receivers and the line.
It’s also backed up by Vegas, which has moved the line by more than three points in the Bears direction since Daniels injured his ribs last Sunday.
There’s also obvious gamesmanship at play here, because Mariota and Daniels are wildly different quarterbacks to prepare for. I assume that Matt Eberflus is preparing for Daniels anyway. Adjusting to Mariota from Daniels preparation is a lot more seamless than doing the opposite.
Mariota is fine, but he’s exactly the type of quarterback that a good defense — which the Bears have — can dominate. He has lost athleticism since entering the league, he makes bad decisions, and he still thinks he’s more capable than he is. Plus, when he got benched in Atlanta two years ago, he left the team.
Feed me him.
If Daniels does play, yes, it will be interesting to see how the defense matches up.
In their wins, the Commanders have played the 32nd, 18th, 24th, 20th, and 12th best defenses — by points allowed.
The Bears haven’t played great defenses in their wins, either (sans the Titans), but the Bears do have a top-5 defense themselves. The Commanders, on the other hand, do not have a good defense.
That should be the difference, or at least what I’m most intrigued to watch play out, whether Daniels or Mariota plays, but especially if Daniels plays.
I’m confident the Bears can win either way, but again, I’m far more confident if Mariota does. Vegas sees that as a three-point swing, I see it as a touchdown-plus difference.
The Commanders are 15th in points allowed per game, but their underlying metrics suggest they’re worse than that. DVOA puts them in the bottom-10 of the league. They traded away their pass rushers last year, and we were the beneficiaries of one of those trades with Montez Sweat. I hope he’s got extra juice for Sunday’s game.
What could restrict the Bears defense against the not so battled tested (but very solid) Commanders offense, however, is the injuries. Eberflus did a great job of masking some of those injuries in London, but that won’t be nearly as easy this week.
Tyrique Stevenson finally got back to practice yesterday, as did Terrell Smith. There will be more insurance than there was against Jacksonville, but Jaquon Brisker is still in concussion protocol and the all-important Kyler Gordon is still sitting out with his hamstring injury.
Hot starts have been nearly non-existent for the Bears in 2024. Sunday would be the game to buck that trend.
I’ve labeled a lot of must-wins this year already, and the Bears have passed with flying colors. But this is the biggest game of the year thus far, by far.
The Bears have three games remaining before they reach the divisional gauntlet. They’re at Washington, at Arizona, and home against the Patriots before then.
Washington — with Daniels — is arguably the best team the Bears have played, but likely the second-best behind Houston. In Houston, the Bears were still a disjointed mess, with an awful offensive line and an unsure rookie QB.
They’ve now come into their own. An awful offensive line is now just a bad one, and that unsure rookie QB has been as good as anyone at the position over the last month.
That’s why the game feels so large to me. The Bears have their feet underneath them, and now they have an opponent in front of them that won’t be picking top-5 in next year’s draft.
Plus, if they do win this game, it puts them in position to be 7-2 prior to the Green Bay game. If that happens, there will be little doubt remaining over whether the Bears are a true “playoff contender.” Then, it’s game on.
6-3 may be more likely.
But the fact remains that, if the Bears win Sunday, they spiritually and statistically will be far closer to the playoffs than they are today. They’ll make the jump that they haven’t made through kicking the shit out of Carolina and Jacksonville.
Good teams dominate bad teams. But good teams also beat other good teams.
The other half of that equation is up for solving at 3:25pm CT Sunday.
#BEARDOWN
I got a glimpse into the 1980s on Wednesday. The Bulls tipped off at 7 p.m. Their new network has not made a deal with my carrier yet, and doesn’t seem to be making progress. I couldn’t watch on my television.
But the ESPN app was also not loading the Bulls score. Google finally came in clutch with the information I just had to know: that the Bulls were losing.
I went on my Chicago Sports Network rant last week, so we can table that for now.
But I’ll preface this entire section with the admission that I was only able to catch the back half of the game.
For some reason, I thought Matas Buzelis was going to play right off the bat. But that sort of guarantee is only available to talents like Bronny James Jr.
Buzelis played just a few minutes, and he missed two threes badly. I think the kid has some zeal, so I’m not concerned with him getting shots up or feeling out of place. I am concerned with that shot of his, and working on ways to score before his body really becomes an NBA one.
The Bulls should be playing Buzelis as much as possible this year, as he is one of the only players that will be on the next competitive Bulls teams (if that ever comes). But it’s unclear if the Bulls organization understands that. They rarely understand their place in the NBA, nor how to vault themselves into a better place.
Pat Williams Island is getting very lonely. The tide doesn’t recede as much as it used to, and my neighbors that said they’d be back in the fall haven’t arrived yet. I’m here, alone, with an antenna and a withered Artūras Karnišovas flag that I haven’t bothered to take down since I joyously hoisted it in 2020.
Williams is still big, still athletic. But in Year 5, he still cannot dribble. As the Bulls were making a somewhat valiant effort to come back on Wednesday, against a Pelicans team without Zion Williamson, he committed one of the worst turnovers I’ve seen in this young season. So bad, in fact, that I tried to include the video here.
But alas, I could not figure out how, so I’ll just have to explain. Zach LaVine, to Williams on the wing, Williams crosses over… and … just loses the ball?
He crossed over, and the ball, instead of reaching his other hand — to complete the crossover — just landed a foot in front of him and bounced into the hands of the Pelicans player guarding LaVine.
He also shortly after missed a wide-open three. Same old shit from the $90 million man.
Zach LaVine turned in an AI simulation of a Zach LaVine game. A hot stretch that included a 5-5 stretch from three in the first half, seven turnovers, and some of the worst late-game basketball you’ll see out of a guy that has made All-Star games.
Also during the Bulls attempted comeback, Nikola Vucevic was wide open next to the basket, and LaVine shot a three instead. He missed that, and then got the ball back, only to get stuffed into oblivion. It was good to have Bulls basketball back.
All we need from LaVine, though, is to keep making those threes. Hopefully that will get a panicked team to be dumb enough to trade for him prior to the deadline.
Speaking of Vucevic, it’s great that he has stopped shooting threes, as he was one of the worst three-point shooters in the league last year. What’s not great is that we traded multiple first-round picks, multiple players, (and then gave up $60 million more), for a post player that can’t defend or shoot.
Josh Giddey turned the ball over, and seems to have done nothing to improve his jump-shot yips in the offseason. I think Giddey is talented (let’s forget the trade for a second), but if he can’t shoot, he can’t be a starting point guard in the NBA. Period.
I do not envy Billy Donovan, and I can see his soul slowly seeping out of his chest every game he’s left coaching this team, on behalf of an organization with no real plan.
Ah, forget the documentary. The Bulls play the Bucks tonight. I’ll have to fire up an illegal stream on my laptop for that one.
LETS GO BULLS!
Thank you so much for reading another addition of Still Gotta Come Through Chicago. You know the deal — tell a friend, subscribe above, comment below.
See you next week.
